Understanding the Equilibrium of Marriage - Apostle Abeiku Okai
In the same way, in the market economy of marriage, there are two elements at play: LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. These two elements define the state of every marriage at every given time. When they are in an imbalance state the marriage would be in shambles.
If these two elements are able to find a point of intercourse they form what we call the marriage equilibrium and there will be peace, stability and harmony in that marriage.
Like demand and supply, love is the supply element and acceptance is the demand element in marriage. Thus for any marriage to work there should be, at every given time, the premium supplier of the LOVE and the premium ACCEPTER (receiver) of the love. That is why we say love is give and take. Where love is being supplied but acceptance is absent there will be frustration. And where the accepter is opening up for love but love is not being supplied there will be chaos.
Not always but more often it is the man that must supply the love as the woman is the demander for love. Hence the Bible says, "Husband, love your wife." On the other hand since the supply of love is coming from the man it is the woman that must submit to receive as the Bible says, "Wife, submit to your husband." Hence love is supply and submission is demand.
The factual characteristic however is that in marriage the supplier of love can easily, even in a twinkle of an eye, becomes the demander for love. And the demander for love can become the supplier of love. These factors are not stable but they are useful for the equilibrium of marriage to be sustained. Hence both men and women must learn to love and submit to each other before their marriage can work. That is also why marriage is not for boys and girls. It is for men and women - mature individuals who can discern what ought to be done, how to behave and how to respond to love and acceptance at every given time.
Let me use sex to explain it better. There would be a time when a husband is in need of sex. That need is the demand for love and the husband becomes the demander. The wife, being the supplier at this time must be able to discern this need and be ready to supply sex for mutual satisfaction. At another time it will be the wife in need of sex and the husband must be able to supply without hesitation. Both ought to be in AGREEMENT.
In a situation where supply of sex cannot meet demand the equilibrium is destroyed and must be restored.
How do you restore it then? It's very simple: COMMUNICATION. The one who is unable to meet demand must be able to gently communicate intention and reason to the partner. Once communication is well given the supplier has switched from being a supplier to being a demander, expecting UNDERSTANDING.
So here the partner (demander) must supply understanding, taking into consideration the reasons and feelings of the partner (supplier). Once that is done equilibrium is reached and peace is sustained. If this doesn't happen it would mean the demander entrenches himself/herself as a demander, making it impossible for the supplier to switch place. And there comes tension in the marriage unless the supplier switches into the element of COMPROMISING to let supply meet demand.
If the supplier cannot compromise then the burden of compromise falls upon the demander, who also has to compromise even when his understanding is not clear. If nobody wants to compromise then the marriage becomes irredeemable because equilibrium seems to never be met. And a third party has to come in.
As technical as this might seem it is very simple. For marriage to work there should be:
1. Love
2. Acceptance
3. Communication
4. Understanding
5. Compromise
These five elements will always bring any marriage to the point of agreement, fulling the scriptures: "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" (Amos 3:3)
Abeiku Okai
Very insightful ..God bless you
ReplyDeleteThank you
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