How to have a Successful Courtship - Apostle Abeiku Okai

Several young people are courting with the hope to getting married. However,  much more people in courtship never reach the success mark of getting married due to several reasons. And this has caused great headache as the failure in courtship leads to brokenheartedness, brokenness and all manner of challenges including starting all over with another person again. 

If you are courting or you are about to then I believe the following will help you have success and happily get married. 

I have coded this message in the acronym of COURTSHIP: -

1. COMMUNICATION 

 Communication is the inflow and outflow of information to enhance relationship and engage mutual concern. When you are courting you need to open up to communicating your intent, purpose, interest, actions, worries, beliefs, expectations, etc. You should not expect your partner to magically know what you think or assume. Don't let your expectations be tied around what you are not ready to communicate. 

Your courtship can be productive when your communication is effective. Talk but don't do all the talking. Listen but don't do all the listening. Learn to both talk and listen and even listen while you talk. 

If communication gets broken then disappointment is inevitable. Your partner must also learn this same trait so the burden of love would not lie on you alone. Keep this in mind: Love is a burden when carried by one person. 

2. ORGANISATION 

To organise is to engage and arrange plans, purpose, people, projects and programs for successful execution. In courtship organisation is very important. You will be dealing with elements and factors that would need your ability to organise them towards the success of the relationship and importantly the marriage ahead of you. Don't take anything for granted or overlook necessities. Be on the go to draw everything necessary towards the single success of the relationship. 

Don't just court like a fun game. And don't play around. You should be mature and organise yourself for the single purpose of becoming a responsible wife or husband very soon. This calls for personal development and mutual support. Get yourself ready to be the kind of wife or husband you are going to be by stopping certain things, leaving certain people and places and taking on new life,  new responsibilities and even new circles of friends if that is necessary. Your partner must also do same. 

Failure to organise yourself is succeeding in disorganising the relationship. 

3. UNDERSTANDING -

 Courtship is actually not friendship or mere relationship where the decision or readiness to marry might not yet be clearer.  It is  the higher level of friendship and relationship that assumes the position of actually preparing towards marriage. So at this stage you must be growing in understanding your purpose, partner and  the problems you are going to face in the marriage. If this is absent then there is danger ahead. 

If your partner doesn't want to understand you or you are not ready to understand him or her then watch out. There is no alternative to mutual understanding if you want a successful courtship into marriage. 

4. RELAXATION 

Don't put stress on yourself, your partner or the relationship. Don't be burdensome, troublesome or full of suspicion by giving too much attention to every mistake or trouble. If you are too critical you cannot have a successful courtship into marriage. 

So relax and handle issues with wisdom, not emotions. For anxiety doesn't solve problems. It rather worsens them. 

5. TIMING 

It is not advisable to court for too long. When you guys reach the courtship level of a relationship put down some timeline towards marriage because you don't court just for fun but for marriage. If marriage is not the reason for courtship then you are wasting your time.

That doesn't mean courtship must necessarily end in marriage. But at least you cannot be courting with a trial and error mentality. That mentality is at the friendship and relationship level.  At this level you have gained enough information to be optimistic unless otherwise the unexpected comes up and you need to backoff or give yourself another chance to let your partner proof himself/herself. 

Know the time you are in and the time you want to have to marry. And factor that into your decision making process in court. 

6. SENSITIVITY 

Even though you must not act out of emotion you can still never rule out the place of emotional considerations in courtship. You should appreciate your own emotional needs and meet them as is moral permissive and expected in regard to your faith in the Lord, your personal principles and values. 

You should also be considerate towards your partner's error and feelings. Appreciate that you are human and your partner is also human. Don't be too religious, too intellectual, too principled and too rigid. Rules and discipline are important but if you are too rigid you will make the relationship boring and full of complains and troubles. Let your partner know you respect and honour how he or she feels.

7. HELPFULNESS 

All fingers are not the same. Besides,  everybody needs somebody. You need your partner and vice versa. You guys should be able to reach out to one another and provide mutual help when needed. 

However, if the burden of helping is all on you then you are in danger or being taken for granted and sooner or later you might be disappointed. 

If you are also always at the receiving end then you are being mean, selfish and inconsiderate. Mutual concern for each other is key to a successful courtship. 

8. INSPIRATIONAL 

To be inspired is to be energised towards a vision. Courtship must be fueled by mutual inspiration. Don't allow the courtship to run by being distant away physically or emotionally. If you are physically away you must make sure you keep in touch as often as possible or as it is necessary to remove every emotional distance.

If you are close physically also make your presence be felt and your care be known to inspire hope. 

Again, let your partner have good reason to keep the flame for choosing you alive. Don't destroy the morale of loving you or take the relationship for granted just because your partner is so much into you. 

Bring pride to your partner by giving confidence and assurance of your love, respect and honour for him or her. 

9. PROFITABILITY

 Profitability is not about money. It is about vitality, viability and productivity.

Vitality in courtship means the relationship must be alive. It must not be weak and unreliable such that you or your partner is confused about the future ahead. Thus the relationship must produce optimism both for you and your partner. 

Viability also means the relationship must be workable. Both of you should be able to work together to ensure plans are in place, resources are being gathered and concern persons, such as parents and in-laws, are being drawn effectively into agreeing with your choices and plans and giving out their support and blessings. 

Finally productivity means every plan or action must be effectively tackled and executed by both of you to produce desired result before, during and after the marriage ceremony and honey moon. 

That means there should be both short term and long term goals and purposeful actions to make the courtship successful. 

Thank you.

Apostle Abeiku Okai can be invited for conferences and seminars. Zoom invitations are also welcome: (+233) 0249287855