When I wanted to Marry I wanted to be loved, not to beg for Love. || Apostle Abeiku Okai.

 

 Apostle Abeiku Okai 

When it comes to marriage every genuine man will be in search of something more than sex, beauty, or even pride.  In fact, when a man begins to settle for marriage he begins to think more deeply and more widely than many women assume. If he is not ready for marriage and only wants fun he will go along with any flow of fantasy but not when he is serious about marriage. 

I have noticed that several young ladies are struggling to settle with a man because they don't understand the fact that men who want to marry look beyond emotions and the 'feminine thing', which is to show off or pretend not to be in love when truly they are into it. In summary men want seriousness when they mean marriage. 

At the time when I wanted to marry I met several women who could potentially become my wife. Some were very beautiful, some had the class, and others hand the money, the education and even the zeal for ministry. However, I noticed there was something different about my wife than all of them. She perfectly got hold of what I wanted and was zealously ready to offer it without messing around for fun, taking advantage of my seemingly vulnerability or even trying to make herself above reach to 'ladylise' herself. No. 

I didn't want to beg for love. I wanted to be loved. I didn't want to do the chase. I wanted to rest from the chase. I didn't want to wander. I wanted to be at home. I didn't want to waste time. I wanted to redeem the time. I didn't want to compete. I wanted to be complete. I didn't want just a company. I wanted a helpmeet and a family. I didn't want to be corrected. I wanted to be accepted. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to laugh. And above all I wanted to find myself, not to be lost in another's self. 

To me love is to find myself, not to manufacture a self or go after somebody's self to please anybody. So  I was looking for a woman who would meet those inexpressible longing of my soul. And my wife perfectly met those needs. 

This is never to mean my wife is an angel or a perfect human being without her natural flaws as we all do have. But one thing is very sure; in my wife I find myself, In her I don't beg for love or struggle to be myself. That is exactly what I was looking for when I wanted to marry.

With some of the perfect, classic,  great and noble women I met on the way towards marriage I noticed those who felt I needed them more than they also needed me. I also noticed those who compared me to their former partners and sought to box me into their past. I also noticed those who behaved as though they had some better choice I needed to compete with. There were those who always spoke of other 'guys' with all the good they think every man should have. There were also those who were only seeking where to deposit their overburdened emotional needs. These were all wonderful people but I couldn't meet their barter trading - neither could they meet mine. So I couldn't propose at all. 

Maybe if some of our women would read into the very needs of their potential husbands their relationship could end in marriage. Maybe if they could get beyond emotional games and too much attention seeking they could settle easily. Maybe if they could get off their white horses and get down to earth things might get better into marriage. Maybe if they could open up, smile and make their environment more welcoming and amiable the story would change. For men generally do not search for women but what is in women when they want to marry. 

NB: This message is not for every woman and it doesn't seek to sum up every man's view or every woman's challenge before marriage. It is only for those who genuinely find the highlighted issues in their personal experience. 

Thank you. 

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