Managing Loneliness as a Young Christian Woman

 

ABEIKU OKAI

Today, we are delving into the topic of coping with loneliness as a Christian young woman. This subject is of paramount importance to every woman because we are navigating through challenging times where addressing loneliness is crucial. While they might exude happiness outwardly, many individuals harbor inner sadness. It's not without reason that numerous people grapple with anxiety, frustration, and depression. They might share laughter with others but weep in solitude, smiling outwardly while harboring inner discontent, all rooted in loneliness. Many young women are entangled in profound frustration, and even married women can experience loneliness.

It's vital to recognize that loneliness is not exclusive to singles; it affects married individuals as well. A woman may have a responsible and loving husband and still grapple with loneliness. Sometimes, even a romantic husband can inadvertently make his wife feel lonely. Similarly, single women may experience loneliness due to various factors. It's essential to dispel the notion that marriage is a cure-all for loneliness, and we must never limit the understanding of loneliness to single ladies.

So, what exactly is loneliness? It's essential to differentiate between being alone and feeling lonely. Some women can be alone without experiencing loneliness, while others may feel lonely even when they are not alone. Loneliness is, at its core, a feeling rather than a condition. Your emotional response to being alone can determine whether you feel lonely or not.

In the Garden of Eden, God didn't say, "It is not good for man to be lonely." Instead, He said, "It is not good for man to be alone." This distinction is crucial. How you feel about having a husband or being in a relationship can influence whether you experience loneliness. Let me illustrate this with a practical example: 

Your emotions are strongly linked to the presence or absence of a companion and how you perceive and react to their behavior. For instance, if you don't love someone and don't desire their presence, their absence may lead to frustration, but not necessarily loneliness because you didn't want them around. On the other hand, if you deeply care for someone and they are not present, loneliness can creep in. 

The absence of a loved one can trigger feelings of loneliness. However, why doesn't the absence of someone you didn't love create the same sense of loneliness? The common thread in both scenarios is the role of love in shaping our emotions.

Managing loneliness as a young lady involves understanding and navigating these emotional dynamics. 

Here are practical steps to effectively manage loneliness as a young lady:

1. Never feel alone: As a child of God, always remember that you are never truly alone. There's a distinction between being alone and feeling lonely. The Holy Spirit is constantly with you, and God's presence is unwavering. Jesus has assured us that He will never abandon or forsake us. The presence of God extends beyond just ministry and anointing; it's about practicing His presence in your daily life. God doesn't want you to feel isolated, so He promises to be with you personally, not just within a congregation. God understands that there will be moments when you're physically alone, which can lead to loneliness. That's precisely why He makes Himself available to you. Regrettably, we often treat prayer as a means to request things rather than a platform for communion. God is there with you in the fire and in the water. Rather than perceiving Him as distant in the heavens, remember that His name is Emmanuel, which means "God with us." This is a reality, not an abstract concept or mere religious notion. The Bible assures us that "with God, all things are possible." I declare over your life: In Jesus' name, may every trace of loneliness be banished, and may you begin to experience God's presence. Take inspiration from Katherine Kuhlman, a woman of God who faced depression and failed marriages but found solace by practicing God's presence. Instead of equating solitude with the absence of a partner, understand that God is always with you. Utilize these challenging moments to prioritize your relationship with God. You don't require a man to combat loneliness; you need God.

The Bible highlights the distinction between a wife and a virgin. It mentions that unmarried women focus on serving the Lord and maintaining holiness in both body and spirit, whereas married women are concerned with worldly matters and pleasing their husbands (1st Cor. 7:34). Unfortunately, contemporary society, with its social media influence and unnecessary competition, often pressures unmarried women to believe they need a husband to be complete. Some even feel they can't serve God effectively without a man in their lives. Resist the urge to rush into relationships out of loneliness; it won't bring the fulfillment you seek. Rather than using your moments of solitude to chase after every man's attention or the latest fashion trends, invest in your personal growth. Protect yourself from making impulsive decisions that could lead to entanglements with insensitive individuals. Remember, God is always with you, and your life is not defined by your relationship status. Regardless of past disappointments, stay resilient.

Why is it that some individuals can be alone without feeling lonely, while others experience loneliness in solitude? Loneliness is indeed rooted in your emotions and feelings. How you perceive being alone plays a crucial role in whether you experience loneliness or not.

2. Transform Your Mindset: Your mindset governs your feelings and emotions. It's the underlying reason why someone can be alone without feeling lonely, while another person in a marriage may experience loneliness. Your thoughts and beliefs shape your reality, and as the Bible advises, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Many problems find their roots in one's mindset. So, take a moment to reflect on your opinions and thoughts regarding your current situation. What's happening inside your mind? It's crucial to actively work on reshaping your thoughts. Sometimes, Satan uses your mind to sow doubt and frustration, and you may not even realize it because you attribute the problem to someone else. However, it's essential to understand that no one else is responsible for your mindset; it's something you can work on. Neglecting the state of your mind will only exacerbate your challenges. While it's essential to acknowledge the gravity of your situation, worry and anxiety won't alter it. Indulging in self-pity and sinking into depression won't bring about positive change. Remember the biblical advice: "Be anxious for nothing." Focus your mind on higher things, not earthly concerns, and keep in mind that no circumstance is permanent; this too shall pass. As Jesus once asked, "Which of you, by worrying, can add one cubit to his stature?" If anyone possesses that ability, we'd be eager to applaud them.

3. Master Your Emotions: Emotions often reign as the ruler of many hearts, especially among women. While it's true that humans are inherently emotional beings, women, in particular, tend to be strongly influenced by their emotions. As a young lady, if there's one adversary to contend with, one enemy out to undermine you, it's your own emotions. There's no reason to take pride in being overly emotional. Unfortunately, many women become deeply entangled in their emotional responses, readily embracing negativity as soon as it surfaces. To navigate this, you must exercise self-discipline to prevent your emotions from dictating your life. Avoid becoming a slave to your emotions. It's undeniably challenging to gain control over your emotions, which is precisely why we refer to it as discipline. Countless lives have been wrecked by the overwhelming power of unchecked feelings.

The Bible wisely advises, "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified" (1 Cor. 9:27). Without disciplining your body, your emotions will dominate and destroy you. As Jesus taught, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Meek individuals don't allow their emotions to steer the course of their lives. They neither become excessively elated when things are going well nor overwhelmingly despondent when they encounter adversity. Inheriting the riches of life isn't a pursuit led by emotions but rather by unwavering determination against all odds. This is why Jesus spoke of the meek inheriting the earth.

In reality, no one will consistently please you; everyone is capable of hurting you. People will let you down, life will throw hardships at you, and even your own family or spouse may disappoint you. These experiences are all facets of life. If you ever feel isolated, don't permit that notion to take root in your heart. Instead, keep it in your awareness and ready your emotions to confront it head-on, regardless of the circumstances. As the Bible wisely advises, "Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flow the issues of life." The direction of your life is deeply connected to the state of your heart. That's why emotional maturity is an essential prerequisite for a thriving marriage. Some individuals have turned to destructive habits, like masturbation, driven by feelings of loneliness, while others have sought solace in drugs and other harmful behaviors. If you aren't emotionally resilient, you risk sabotaging your own life and later attributing your misfortunes to marriage. Some have also accepted the proposals of ill-suited partners simply because they felt alone, and others have surrounded themselves with toxic friends to escape the grip of loneliness. You may be physically alone, but you don't need to suffer from loneliness; don't let your feelings misguide you. Take charge of your emotions and guide your heart wisely.

4. Cultivate Meaningful Relationships: In Proverbs 17:17, it's written, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." While not every friend may be available around the clock, genuine friends are the ones who stand by you through thick and thin. Seek out these valuable friendships and maintain them closely. Understand that not all relatives and family members will be there for you in times of trouble, but there are those who will remain steadfast. Make it a priority to surround yourself with the right people who can support you during moments of loneliness.

An excerpt of one of my poems reads,

 "Everybody needs somebody. 

If nobody is without anybody, 

Then nobody is an island. 

But everybody needs somebody 

To get life steadily ready." 

Avoid pretending that you can go through life completely isolated or that no one is trustworthy to any degree. In reality, no one is entirely self-sufficient. It's crucial to discover that friend who becomes as close as a sibling and treat them with the respect and appreciation they deserve. Proverbs 18:24 reinforces this idea, stating, "A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."

Fostering authentic connections with people who genuinely care about your well-being is essential to combating loneliness. Building and maintaining these relationships will provide you with a solid support system to navigate the challenges of life. 

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In conclusion, coping with loneliness as a Christian young woman is a significant journey that requires understanding, mindset transformation, emotional mastery, and cultivating meaningful relationships. Loneliness is not exclusive to singles, and it's crucial to differentiate between being alone and feeling lonely. It's a feeling rooted in emotions and perceptions, and how you perceive being alone plays a crucial role in whether you experience loneliness or not.

Remember that as a child of God, you are never truly alone. The Holy Spirit is always with you, and God's presence is unwavering. God doesn't want you to feel isolated, so He promises to be with you personally. Regardless of your relationship status, your life is not defined by it, and rushing into relationships out of loneliness won't bring the fulfillment you seek.

Transform your mindset by reshaping your thoughts and focusing on higher things. Discipline your emotions, don't let them dictate your life, and stay emotionally resilient. Cultivate meaningful relationships with friends and family members who genuinely care about your well-being. These relationships will provide you with a solid support system to combat loneliness and navigate the challenges of life.

In your journey as a Christian young woman, remember that God is always with you, guiding you through moments of solitude, and helping you find fulfillment and purpose beyond the constraints of loneliness. 

2.09.2023